I’ve been hacked by Putin!

This isn’t me! I swear it!

Sexy Hermit
2 min readMar 22, 2022


google images “putin hacker.” Or is it?

Now it gets fun. Putin is hacking everyone. Probably your mom. Probably your mom’s friends. He’s probably sneaking in when you're at work and hacking your significant other who has a more cushy job than you and gets to work from home still.

He’s hacking the shit out of them right now.

Right on your couch.

The very couch where you both just started to watch “Servant of the People” staring now Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. I just watched the first episode. It's a great show. You should check it out too.

But this isn’t me! I’ve been hacked! Don’t listen to anything I say anymore. I’m not responsible! Just like Putin, man! THE UKRAINIAN NAZIS MADE ME DO IT, MAN! I’m just trying to save the Ukrainians from themselves! I’m just trying to kick the fascists out by being a fascist! Fight fire with fire, right!

But I’m not fighting anyone anytime soon. Why? Because I’ve been hacked!

I have a feeling you’ve been hacked too. How can I know though? What test can I give to know if someone is really them or not them now? I know. I’ll just ask.

Hey there, reader. Is it really you out there?

Clap once for “yes” it is you.

50 times for “no” it is not you but actually Putin on a couch hacking the shit out of your mom.

Make sure you send this far and wide so you can find out if your mom is really your mom or if she’s now calling Putin “daddy.”

This is so screwed up.

I don’t even know if the world is round or flat anymore. I sure as hell know not to ask the internet anymore.

No one can be trusted! No one really knows the truth!

What is the truth!

Putin knows all now.

All about you and your mom and now everyone else does too.



Sexy Hermit

It's about to get weird in here.