My yearly performance review. From my cat.

No wonder everyone is quitting their jobs!

“Thanks for your time today. Let’s get this over with.”

Other than my fiancee the only other life form that I take orders from anymore is the cat. I really thought everything was going well this year but cat really let me have it during a recent performance review. If this is how it's going out there for most workers today, we clearly need more and stronger labor unions. I bust my ass all year for that furry bastard and I never even get a shitty corporate Christmas card much less a break or better hours.

Here it is.

Cat Incorporated Performance Review

Employee name: Old Man

Job Title: Slave

Department: Whatever I need whenever I want it or no one gets an ounce of peace until I do.

Rate the following 1 to 5. 5 being excellent.

Job Knowledge: 1

Comments: This guy is an idiot. I am to be fed four times a day and at best he does it twice. Twice?! What in the Eff is that all about? I remind him of this every day but he never knows what needs to be done and that’s feed me more. He seems to think I want to play with toys or be held or some other BS instead. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am immune to his gaslighting but he…