Top 10 reasons Putin is totally awesome, brosky.

And maybe even a god, comrade dude.

google images “shirtless putin”

Let's just get this part out of the way, Putin is now the world's greatest social media influencer. Not even Trump could get most of Congress to agree on anything. Just one week and a 40-mile military convoy are all it takes for Putin to get the entire world to agree he’s an asshole. How awesome is that?! Let’s count the ways.

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Number 10: Sexist jokes just before murdering thousands.

“It’s your duty my beauty,” Putin said to President Zelenskyy of Ukraine. Nice! Not only does he think Ukraine is part of Russia but he thinks he can treat it like one of his pee party prostitutes too. I wonder how he feels now discovering that his “beauty” has sharper nails than a German dominatrix? Ouch! Better keep an eye on your asshole, Putin. Have that safeword handy. Just scream “Ukraine is an independent state!” when that corncob feels like it going to puncture your navel.

Analysis: Putin's use of crude language reveals a lot about his worldview

Number 9: Late-stage syphilis is a badge of honor

And speaking of nasty orgy sex, fuck condoms, right? This is just an assumption, but clearly, as a man of impeccable taste and class, not to mention iron-fisted power, who could blame Putin for not wanting to experience all that life has to offer? He wants the full experience of it all. No one is going to tell him to wear cock numbing protection when going into any hostile thrill-seeking territory. A man of his drive and stature can’t be bothered with condoms in the middle of some awesome fornicating/warmongering. “Diseases and the history of doomed military campaigns in Europe be damned!” he probably says. My god, he does not even wear a shirt when everyone else does. “Trendsetter” does not even come close to doing him awesome justice.