Top 5 eco-friendly things to do with dead Russian soldiers.

In times of war, waste not, want not.

google images “green earth, environment”

So, you’re living in Ukraine, or some other part of the world, fighting for your life when it happens. You’re stuck with yet another dead and soulless Russian soldier on your lawn. They are really stacking up lately but have hope! It’s not the end of the world (yet.) There is a silver lining in all that Putinist red slowly oozing out of them. Give that dumb slobski one more mission before they turn back into the ash and dust we all come from.

Here are the top five earth-friendly uses for a dead Russian soldier.

Safety FIRST!

First of all, be careful approaching what looks to be a dead soldier. Sometimes they’re faking it. Make absolutely sure it’s dead. If you don’t have a weapon, find one. Guns are great but ammo is gold on the home turf of the invaded. Why waste a bullet on a dead guy, right? Have a gun handy but find something sharp and make a long polearm out of it instead. Sharpened shovels or other farm implements work great! If that’s not available go grab a big kitchen knife or sharp chunk of exploded personnel carrier, and use duct tape or rope to secure it firmly on the tip. Poke the hopefully dead body to see if it moves at all. If it does, drive your new throwback to simpler but…